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Talking about mental health can be difficult. You might be worried about how other people will react, or how they’ll treat you if they know what’s really going on. Or you might not know who to speak to or how to start a conversation.
This page is here because every young person struggling with their mental health deserves to be heard, understood, and supported. Telling a trusted adult about what you’re going through is usually the first step towards getting the help you need to recover.
We know that getting support sooner can make it easier for people to recover – but however long you’ve been struggling, there are people who want to listen and help you feel better.
‘You don’t have to do it all by yourself, in fact, no one needs to go through this by themselves and you starting off that conversation is in the way in which you can then receive the support that you really deserve.’
Judi, Cognitive Behavioural Therapist at CAMHS
What if I’m scared to talk about my mental health?
There are lots of reasons that young people might be worried about talking about their mental health, especially if they’re not used to opening up about their thoughts and feelings. It’s normal to have questions and to be concerned about what might happen.
What if I feel ashamed or embarrassed about what’s going on?
It can feel awkward to talk to someone about your mental health, especially if it’s not something you’ve done before.
But mental health difficulties, or unhealthy ways of coping, are not something you have to feel ashamed about. It is not your fault if you’re struggling.
‘There is nothing to feel ashamed of, nothing to feel guilty about, nothing to feel embarrassed about. The trusted adults in your life want to hear from you, they want you to talk to them about what’s going on so that they can help you.’
Judi, Cognitive Behavioural Therapist at CAMHS
What if the adult I talk to is upset about what I tell them?
It’s common to be worried about how adults will react to conversations about mental health – especially if your worries are based on previous experiences you’ve had.
If you’re talking about struggling with your mental health, adults might sometimes become emotional. It’s often because they care about you, and they’re sad or worried that you are struggling so much – it’s not because you’ve done something wrong.
While it’s understandable that adults sometimes have emotional reactions, it’s OK if you find this uncomfortable or upsetting. It’s also not your responsibility to look after the adult or to manage their emotions – it’s the adult’s job to cope with how they feel in their own space and time.
An adult being emotional does not mean they can’t support you. They might need some time to process and manage their emotions but it’s still their job, as an adult in your life, to help you take the next steps to getting the support you need.
‘They’re the adults in your life – it’s brave to talk about your mental health, and it’s not your responsibility to look after their feelings. It’s important that you share, because it’s important that you’re safe and that you get the support you need.’
Judi, Cognitive Behavioural Therapist at CAMHS
What if the adults in my life are too busy to talk to?
Life can be hectic for everyone, no matter how old you are, and it can be difficult to open up if you feel like the adults in your life don’t have the time.
It’s important to remember that your wellbeing matters. Life can be hectic for everyone – but the supportive adults in your life will want to know if you’re struggling with your wellbeing. Once they know that you need to talk about something important, most adults will make sure that they find the time, because doing so is part of their role.
It’s often unrealistic to wait for the ‘perfect’ time to have a conversation but you can still avoid particularly busy times, like when everyone’s trying to leave the house in the morning. If you’re feeling unsure when to talk, or if there never feels like a calm moment, you can tell the adult that you’re struggling and ask them to suggest a time that you can talk about it properly.
If you’re still struggling to find the time to speak to someone, it’s OK to ask another trusted adult to support you to have an important conversation. It might be that they can help you both to find a good time to talk, for example.
‘We are in a world where everything’s very busy – you might feel like people haven’t got time, or maybe you feel like you don’t deserve their time to talk about your feelings, but having even five minutes to talk about your feelings can be the difference that means you get the help you deserve.’
Lucy, Mental Health Nurse
What if my parents or carers don’t understand mental health?
It can be even harder to start a conversation about mental health if you’re worried about your parents’ or carers’ understanding of what you’re going though. Not everyone sees mental health in the same way, and unfortunately some people (including adults) don’t have a lot of knowledge about the topic.
Often, it might be that the adults in your life care and want to help, even if they don’t share the same language and understanding as you. Explaining how you’re feeling (and why it matters to you) might lead to a really helpful conversation, even if you don’t talk about mental health conditions at first. Some people find it helpful to be able to share information that their parents and carers can read or watch to learn more after their first conversation.
In other situations, you might want to speak to another trusted adult first, like someone at school or a GP. You can talk to them about telling your parents or carers, including any specific worries you have. Together, you can make a plan, including whether you want anyone else to support you in the conversation or if there any resources your parents or carers might find helpful.
If you’re not sure where to start, you can always contact NATTER. Their trained volunteers are there to chat via text, including about how to open up about your wellbeing if you’re worried about your parents’ or carers’ understanding of mental health.
Text NATTER for help
Anyone can text ‘NATTER’ to 85258 to seek
help, wherever they are in the UK. It’s a free, anonymous service and available 24/7.
More about NATTER
How to start a conversation about mental health
If you’re thinking about telling an adult about your mental health, you might want to think about who you’ll tell, when and how you’ll tell them, and what you want to say.
Choosing who to tell about your mental health
It’s up to you who you want to talk to about your mental health.
Some young people want to talk to a parent or carer at home, while others feel more comfortable talking to another family member, a supportive adult at school, a social worker, or a GP.
It’s OK to ask about confidentiality before you start talking, too. Whether an adult will have to tell other people (including your parents or carers) will depend on how old you are, the adult’s role in your life, and what you talk to them about.
Deciding when to have a conversation
It can be tempting to wait for the ‘right time’ to have a conversation about mental health, but sometimes the ‘perfect’ time never comes. Some people find that the longer they wait, the more difficult it is to open up.
It might be sensible to choose a time when things feel a bit calmer – not when everyone’s rushing to get somewhere on time, for example.
If you’re finding it difficult to figure out when to start the conversation, it’s also OK to ask. You could say something like ‘I want to talk to you about how I’m feeling, but I don’t know if now is a good time. Can we find time to talk about it soon?’.
‘I want young people to remember that your mental health is always a priority – and even if it doesn’t feel like there is a ‘right time’ to have that conversation, it’s better to start that conversation as soon as possible. Waiting for the perfect opportunity might not come.’
Judi, Cognitive Behavioural Therapist at CAMHS
Figuring out what to say
Some people find it helpful to talk about their feelings, but other people find it tricky to put things into words and prefer to write or draw. You could even send your trusted an adult a link to a webpage or a video, if that feels like an easier way to bring up the topic.
If you’re not sure how to start a conversation, you could:
- Say how you’ve been feeling and ask if you can talk about it.
- Keep it simple and say something like ‘I’ve got something on my mind. Can we talk about it?’.
- Send them a link to a relevant page on the Best For You website.
- Write a note that explains what’s going on in your head. You could make a list with bullet points, if that feels easier than full sentences.
‘You don’t have to have a formal, sit down conversation if that doesn’t feel right or safe for you. You don’t need to be able to express everything in an intellectual way – whatever you are able to communicate regarding how you’re feeling is a really good starting-off point, even if it’s just writing ‘I need help.’’
Judi, Cognitive Behavioural Therapist at CAMHS
Some apps also have features that are designed to help young people communicate with supportive adults in their life.
Manatee
The Manatee app helps young people connect with their parents and carers, with content and support for both.
Talking about talking
Some people find it helpful to plan their conversation, or talk anonymously about their worries or concerns before opening up to someone in their real life.
NATTER
Provided by Mental Health Innovations
Get confidential support through text messaging. You can text about anything that’s on your mind. Your text will be answered by trained volunteers.
More about NATTER
Childline
Provided by NSPCC
You can talk to a Childline counsellor about whatever you’re going through. Childline is confidential and there are different ways to get in touch. You can contact Childline at any time, but their counsellors might not be able to talk to you for as long at night.
What happens after you open up about your mental health
It’s really understandable to want to know what will happen after you speak to an adult about what’s going on in your life. Unfortunately, it’s impossible to predict exactly what will happen in a specific situation, but you’ll usually find that:
The adult you tell will want to listen and will find time to talk to you, even if they can’t talk right now.
The adult might ask some questions. This can sometimes feel awkward or uncomfortable but try to remember that they’re asking because they want to understand you, help you get the right support, and make sure you stay safe.
You can talk about what would help in your day-to-day life and make a plan about what to do when you’re struggling. What this looks like will depend on what you’re struggling with and who you talk to.
The adult might talk to you about telling other people, especially if the person you’ve spoken to isn’t a parent or carer. They should always explain why they think this will help, and you can talk about any concerns you have too.
The adult might ask you what you think would help, or they might make suggestions about what you could try next – for example, using an app or asking for NHS mental health support. Try to be honest if you have worries or questions about anything they suggest.
One conversation isn’t the solution to everything. Some people plan another time to check in and have a follow-up conversation so things feel a bit more predictable.
You don’t have to deal with everything on your own anymore. It can be difficult to open up, and sometimes it feels tricky at first – but it means that when you’re struggling, you’re not facing it on your own. You can get the help and support you need for things to get better.
What if the adult I tell is unhelpful or unsupportive?
It’s really common to worry about what will happen if an adult is unhelpful or unsupportive.
Most of the time, young people find that when they talk about their thoughts and feelings, the adults in their life are caring and try to help them – even if the first conversation feels awkward or emotional.
But sometimes adults can let young people down – for example, if they dismiss their feelings or get frustrated about the situation.
It is never your fault if an adult does not respond well when you ask for help. Reaching out for support is a brave thing to do. Your feelings are valid, and you should be taken seriously because you deserve to get the help you need to feel better.
Sometimes adults need a bit of time to process. They might need to find out more about mental health or think about how they can manage their own feelings so they can help you. This is not a sign you’ve done anything wrong – it’s about them, not you.
In these situations, it might be possible to try to have another conversation once the adult has had some time to understand. You might be able to explain more clearly what you need (for example, if you now realise that you want the adult to help you find more support, or want them to help when you’re struggling in a specific situation) or explain more about a specific thoughts or feelings they didn’t understand.
In other situations, you might find it helpful to speak to another adult instead. It’s OK to tell them that you’ve tried to tell someone and that it wasn’t helpful – it can be about your experience, rather than blaming an adult.
It’s understandable to feel upset, frustrated, scared, or hopeless if opening up to an adult didn’t go the way you’d hoped it would. If you’re not ready to speak to another adult right away, you can always get anonymous support through services like NATTER.
Text NATTER for help
Anyone can text ‘NATTER’ to 85258 to seek
help, wherever they are in the UK. It’s a free, anonymous service and available 24/7.
More about NATTER
