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There are a lot of reasons you might be worried about a friend.
It can be concerning if a friend seems like they’re ‘not themselves’ – if you’ve noticed a change and there doesn’t seem to be a reason why. Or maybe they’ve opened up to you about their mental health, but it’s been a while and things don’t seem to be getting any better.
In some situations, you might be worried about someone’s safety if they’ve told you they have thought about self-harming or ending their own life.
This page has information on what to do to help them stay safe and get the help they need.
Emergency?
If anyone is in immediate danger, call 999 now.
If you need urgent help for mental or physical health, call NHS 111 or get help from NHS 111 online.
Tell a trusted adult
Trusted adults can include parents and carers, teachers, youth workers, and people who work in social care (like social workers).
When you need to tell an adult
There are some situations where telling an adult is the right thing to do to keep people safe, even if your friend does not want any adults to know.
If you’re concerned that your friend cannot keep themselves safe or is at risk of harm (for example, if you’re worried that they will do something to hurt themselves or someone else, or you find out that they are experiencing abuse) you must tell an adult you trust.
You also need to tell an adult if you feel that your friend’s problems have become too much for you to handle on your own.
Deciding who to tell
If it’s not an emergency, you could talk to your friend about whether there’s an adult they’d prefer you to tell.
They might feel more comfortable with you telling a particular family member, for example, or there might be a certain teacher at school you both trust.
You could also go and speak to the adult together, so they feel a bit more in control and not like someone is speaking behind their back.
Telling an adult if your friend doesn’t want you to
If you have to tell an adult that you’re worried about a friend when the friend doesn’t want you to, you might be worried that they’ll be angry, or that they won’t trust you anymore. Ultimately, their safety is always the most important thing.
Let them know about the support available
When people are worried about a friend’s wellbeing, it’s common for them to feel out of their depth and like they can’t provide the level of support their friend needs.
As well as telling a trusted adult, you can let your friend know about services that offer support through text, phone calls, or live chats.
Lots of these services are confidential, and the people who are there to listen and provide support have lots of training so they’re qualified to deal with whatever anyone is going through, no matter how big or challenging.
NATTER
Provided by Mental Health Innovations
Get confidential support through text messaging. You can text about anything that’s on your mind. Your text will be answered by trained volunteers.
More about NATTER
Childline
Provided by NSPCC
You can talk to a Childline counsellor about whatever you’re going through. Childline is confidential and there are different ways to get in touch. You can contact Childline at any time, but their counsellors might not be able to talk to you for as long at night.
Samaritans
You can speak to a trained volunteer at Samaritans about anything you’re going through. The volunteer will help you work through whatever is on your mind – they will not tell you what to do. If you email, it might take several days to get a response.
Find space to talk about how it’s affected you
If you’ve been worried about a friend, it’s common to find that it has an effect on your wellbeing too, even if you’ve spoken to a trusted adult to make sure they get more support.
It’s common to feel a mix of feelings, including feelings that you can’t identify or name. This might include feeling:
worried about whether your friend will get the help they need
confused about what will happen next
stressed about whether telling an adult will have a negative effect on your friendship
anxious about whether you could have done things differently in the past
guilty if you had to tell an adult against their wishes, even when you know this was the right thing to do
relieved that they’re going to get more help, especially if you feel like you’ve been managing the situation on your own before now
numb, like you can’t think about what’s happened or access your feelings
It’s really important that you have your own space to process and talk about these feelings, and anything else you want to say about your friend.
The first step is often speaking to a trusted adult. Depending on the situation, this might be the same adult you told about your friend (for example, if you went to a teacher at school) or someone else (like your parent or carer, if you told your friend’s family member).
They can help reassure you that you did the right thing, and help you make a plan to take care of yourself over the next few days and weeks if things stay feeling difficult.
Text NATTER for help
Anyone can text ‘NATTER’ to 85258 to seek
help, wherever they are in the UK. It’s a free, anonymous service and available 24/7.
More about NATTER
Find support
Find trusted services that can support you when things feel overwhelming.
