Jump to content on:
Warning
This page talks about suicide. If you find this content triggering or distressing, you do not have to keep reading.
What are suicidal thoughts and feelings?
Suicide is the act of ending your own life on purpose.
When people talk about suicidal thoughts and feelings they can mean a range of things. Sometimes people might have abstract thoughts about ending their lives, wish that they didn’t exist, or feel that people would be better off without them. At other times, people might think about specific ways of taking their own lives or make plans to do so.
When someone has suicidal thoughts or feelings, they can struggle to see the reasons why it’s worth being alive. But with the right support, they can feel better and enjoy life again.
It’s possible for someone to have suicidal thoughts and feelings without ever trying to end their own life. Whether someone has tried to harm themselves does not always tell us how much they’re struggling or how much distress they’re in. Your thoughts and feelings should always be taken seriously, whether you have made a plan to harm yourself or not.
Important
Having suicidal thoughts and feelings isn’t a mental health condition, though experiencing them might be a symptom of a mental health condition (for example, depression).
Suicidal thoughts and feelings can build up gradually, but they can also appear suddenly. Some people only experience them for a short period of time, while others experience them longer-term.
What are suicidal thoughts and feelings like?
Warning
This section covers specific thoughts and feelings associated with being suicidal. If reading them might be triggering or distressing, you can close this box.
Everyone has their own experience, but it’s common for people experiencing suicidal thoughts to feel:
- hopeless, like there’s no point in living or that there’s no possibility of things ever being better
- overwhelmed by negative thoughts or feelings
- tearful
- depressed
- pain that they can’t cope with
- useless, like other people don’t want (or need) them around
- desperate, like they don’t have any other options
- powerless, like they can’t change anything
- worthless and self-critical, like they never do anything right or that they’re somehow ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’
- guilty for specific things they’ve done, or just for existing
When people are experiencing suicidal feelings, they might think that:
- they don’t want to exist at all
- they don’t want to die, but that being alive is too difficult
- they can’t think of anything else except suicide
- everyone would be better off without them or that they make things worse
- they’re a burden
And when someone’s experiencing suicidal thoughts and feelings, they might:
- struggle to sleep or not get enough sleep
- sleep too much
- find it difficult to take care of themselves (including eating and showering) because they don’t want to, can’t find the motivation, or can’t see the point
- avoid other people as much as they can
- struggle to focus
- not have much interest in day-to-day life or the things they used to care about
- be reckless or do risky things without caring what happens
- give away things they own
- make a will, officially or unofficially
- talk, write, think, or research a lot about death or wanting to die
- self-harm
- use drugs or alcohol in unhealthy or unsafe ways
Why do people have suicidal thoughts and feelings?
There are lots of reasons that someone might have suicidal thoughts or feelings. You do not need to know or understand why you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings to get support to feel better.
A lot of people find that different things ‘build up’ over time to become overwhelming, while other people find it difficult to figure out why they’re experiencing these thoughts and feelings at all.
It’s impossible to list every potential cause of suicidal thoughts and feelings – if something isn’t listed here, it does not mean that it’s not serious or that you should not be struggling as a result.
Health problems
People who live with physical health conditions or mental health problems can find that their symptoms, or things that have happened to them as a result of their condition, can lead to them feeling suicidal.
Life events
Almost everyone will experience some things that are stressful or upsetting (like a relationship ending, work stress, or someone they love dying) at some point. For some people, these stressful situations may trigger suicidal thoughts and feelings or make it harder to manage thoughts and feelings that they already have.
Childhood experiences
Going through difficult experiences when you’re a child or young person, and the distress that they cause, can mean people end up feeling suicidal. People often think of ‘difficult experiences’ as a big, traumatic event. But going through multiple smaller difficult experiences can also have a big impact.
Medication
Some prescribed medications can cause suicidal thoughts and feelings (or make existing thoughts and feelings worse) as a side effect. Doctors can often help people find alternative medications that don’t have this side effect.
How do suicidal thoughts and feelings impact someone’s life?
Sometimes, suicidal thoughts and feelings are like low-level background noise – people can go about their day-to-day lives while struggling at the same time. At other times, suicidal thoughts and feelings can be so overwhelming and overpowering that people can’t think about anything else.
It’s common for people to experience different intensities of suicidal thoughts over time – having hours or days when someone is able to ‘get on’ with things does not mean that they are OK or that they don’t also have times where they’re struggling to function.
Suicidal thoughts and feelings can be really isolating. People might not feel able to talk about them if they’re worried about others judging them or if they don’t want to cope with other people’s reactions.
Some people are also scared that if someone else finds out they’re experiencing suicidal thoughts and feelings, they’ll be sent away to hospital, but this is very rarely the case. Most people who experience suicidal thoughts and feelings are supported in the community, which means they stay living at home while getting the help they need to feel better.
Sometimes, people talk about their experiences of feeling suicidal (or losing someone to suicide) on social media – but it’s important to be safe when talking about mental health online.
How to get support if you experience suicidal thoughts or feelings
Emergency?
If anyone is in immediate danger, call 999 now.
If you need urgent help for mental or physical health, call NHS 111 or get help from NHS 111 online.
If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, it’s really important that you access professional support as soon as possible. This might be by calling NHS 111, making an appointment with your GP, or talking to the mental health service that’s supporting you (if you’re already accessing mental health care).
You could ask an adult you trust to help you reach out for help or to go with you to appointments, if you would find that helpful.
It can feel really difficult to tell someone about suicidal thoughts and feelings if you’re worried they might judge you, or if you’re worried about consequences like being ‘sent away’ or being admitted to hospital. But a trusted adult can help you access more support, and it’s very rare for young people to be admitted to hospital solely because they have suicidal thoughts or feelings.
Most people who experience thoughts related to suicide are supported in the community, which means they stay living at home while getting the help they need to recover.
What happens when you tell a medical professional about suicidal thoughts and feelings?
When you speak to a GP or someone in CAMHS or a talking therapy service about suicidal thoughts and feelings, they’ll ask you more about your experiences.
It can be really difficult to talk about the specifics of your suicidal thoughts and feelings, but the questions are designed to make sure you are safe and to find out more about what’s going on for you so you can get the right support.
Whoever you talk to will be able to help you make a plan for coping with your suicidal thoughts and feelings. This might include things you can do to cope, ways of distracting yourself, and people and helplines you can contact if you need to talk. You might also be referred to a crisis team (which might also be called a home treatment team).
Depending on your situation, your age, and where you live, you might be offered talking therapies such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) or family based-therapy to give you a space to talk about why you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts and feelings and what you need to feel better.
There is no medication specifically for people who experience suicidal thoughts or feelings. If you’re diagnosed with a mental health condition like depression or an anxiety disorder, you may also be offered medication to help with the symptoms of that condition.
If you’re getting ready to talk to an adult about suicidal thoughts or feelings, you might find our video on telling someone about self-harm helpful:
Looking after yourself if you experience suicidal thoughts or feelings
If you’re struggling with the suicidal thoughts and feelings right now, here are some ideas about coping in the moment.
Get some support
If you’re struggling with suicidal thoughts and feelings, you deserve support.
It can make a big difference for an adult to understand what you’re going through and how you’re feeling, and they might be able to help you think about other healthier ways to cope as well.
Some people find it helpful to come up with a code word (or signal) they can use with a trusted adult to make it easier to say when they’re struggling and need some support. This could be sending them a certain word or emoji, for example. It can also be helpful to agree in advance what the trusted adult will do to help when you send them the signal.
If there’s no one around you feel you can talk to, you can always text NATTER or contact another trustworthy helpline. You could also invite or ask someone to do something distracting with you (there are some tips below), even if you don’t feel comfortable telling them why you need a distraction.
Focus on the next few minutes
It might feel impossible to think about the long-term future – but could you manage another 5, 10, or 15 minutes? Try to think about what you’ll do to cope during this time and check in with yourself afterwards to see if your suicidal thoughts and feelings have changed, and whether whatever you tried was helpful.
You might feel that you can get through the thoughts and feelings without coping in unhealthy ways if you take it a few minutes at a time.
Challenge your suicidal thoughts
Suicidal thoughts can feel overwhelming and it can be hard to see any alternative perspective. But trying to challenge them or exploring if there is any possibility of another way of thinking can be helpful.
For example, you could make a list of things you’re looking forward to (no matter how big or small) or a list of things you like about your life – some people find it helpful to make these lists in advance so they’re there when they’re struggling.
You could also make plans to do something you enjoy in the next few days. It doesn’t have to be a big or expensive plan – it could be as small as going for a walk with a friend or watching a film with a family member.
Use techniques for coping with urges to self-harm
If you’re experiencing urges to harm yourself, you can find lots of other ways of coping on our page about self-harm, including other ways to express anger and cope with the urge to punish yourself.
Make a self-soothe box
Self-soothe boxes are filled with items that can help you cope when things feel overwhelming. What you put in a self-soothe box is up to you, but people often choose items that help them engage with their senses, positive reminders, and things that help them use coping techniques or distractions.
Ground yourself in the moment
Sometimes, people want to self-harm if they feel numb or disconnected. In these situations, it can be helpful to find ways to ‘bring yourself back’ to the present moment.
Find out more about ways to ground yourself, including breathing exercises.
Take care of yourself and your body
Suicidal thoughts and feelings can make it challenging to take care of yourself, but prioritising healthy sleep, eating enough, and personal hygiene can make a positive difference. If you’re finding it difficult, check out our tips for when you’re struggling with self-care.
Distract yourself with something else
The idea of ‘distracting’ yourself from suicidal thoughts and feelings is not meant to invalidate how distressing they are, or to suggest it’s easy to ‘just’ do something else. The idea is that engaging your brain in something else can help stop thoughts spiralling and getting worse, especially if you’re waiting to talk to someone who can help.
Distraction is personal to everyone – it’s about finding something that you find interesting and enjoyable so you can shift your focus. You could try:
- playing a game, whether it’s a video game or card or board game. It’s up to you whether you choose something you can play on your own or whether you get a friend involved
- read or listen to a new story – you might be able to borrow e-books from your local library and can find your nearest library on the government website
- getting into something creative – you could write, draw, colour, collage, make music, or follow an online tutorial for something like origami.
Find more ideas through the five ways to wellbeing.
People often find that a distraction that engages them (and gives them something to focus on) is more helpful than a passive distraction in the background.
How can you tell if someone else is experiencing suicidal thoughts and feelings?
Anyone can struggle with suicidal thoughts. You can’t always tell how people are really feeling, so people who seem happy and cheerful, and people who seem to have brilliant lives, can struggle with suicidal thoughts and feelings too.
While there are some potential ‘warning signs’ that someone might be experiencing suicidal thoughts and feelings, they’re not always there. You often need to know someone really well to be able to notice small changes in their behaviour, and sometimes they’re impossible to spot.
It is never your fault if you do not notice that someone might be experiencing suicidal thoughts and feelings, even if you later realise there were some signs that they were struggling after they’ve told you or have harmed themselves.
What are the warning signs that someone might be experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings?
One sign that someone might be struggling is a change in their behaviour. This often looks like people becoming more isolated or withdrawn, for example, not replying to messages or messaging in group chats like they used to, not doing things with friends, or being really quiet when they do come out.
If someone suddenly seems really motivated or happy after they’ve been feeling low, this could be a sign that things are getting better – but if that’s not the case, it could be a sign that they have made a decision to end their own life.
Other warning signs include someone talking about:
- being a burden – they might say that you’d be better off without them
- feeling hopeless or trapped
- wanting to die, or not wanting to live
- suicide or dying, either seriously or in a vague or jokey way
- saying goodbye to people as though they won’t see them again
- giving things away
You might also notice that people:
- seem angry, depressed, or anxious
- use alcohol or drugs more than is usual for them
- self-harm (though self-harm is not necessarily a sign that someone is experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings)
- do reckless things or take risks that they wouldn’t normally take
- sleep too much
- struggle to sleep or not sleep enough
- try to give their things away
- write or draw a lot about death
If you’re worried about someone, it’s OK to talk openly about what you’ve noticed. You can tell them that you know it can sometimes be a sign that someone is thinking of harming themselves or ending their lives and ask them directly if they are thinking about suicide or ending their own life. Research shows us that asking people about self-harm and suicidal thoughts doesn’t put the idea into their heads.
How to support someone who’s experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings
If someone you care about is experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, it can be difficult to know how to support them. As well as being a good friend and including them in the things you do, there are some things you could try to help them.
Listen to what they tell you
Everyone has their own experience of feeling suicidal, so it’s really important to listen to people if they want to tell you what it’s like for them. It’s OK to ask how you can help, too, or if there’s anything you need to know about how they communicate.
Help them be kind to themselves
If someone is struggling with suicidal thoughts and feelings, you can show them that you understand it’s hard, while encouraging them to use any strategies they have to take care of themselves. Celebrating their ‘little wins’ is also a great way to show support.
Avoid saying unhelpful things
It can be really upsetting when someone you care about is feeling suicidal. It’s OK to gently remind them that there are people who care about them and want to help, but do not talk about how sad or angry people would feel if they died, as this is likely to make them feel worse.
Do normal ‘friend stuff’
When someone’s struggling with their mental health, spending time together talking about shared interests (or doing a hobby you both enjoy) can help them feel more like themselves again. This might mean continuing to invite someone to do stuff, even if they’re not always able to say yes.
Do not make promises you can’t keep
It’s understandable if you feel desperate to help people who are struggling with suicidal thoughts and feelings. It can feel like you should say anything you can to help, especially if they’re in crisis. But you should not feel like you have to make promises you cannot keep, and it is not helpful for people who are struggling either.
Encourage them to use helplines
There are lots of helplines set up for people who are struggling with suicidal thoughts and feelings, including ones that are there 24/7. Lots of areas have services that people can ‘drop in’ to without an appointment when they’re struggling. Helping someone to find the right helplines and services for them can make a big difference.
Support them to get more help
You could offer to go with them to speak to a trusted adult or help them decide who they could talk to. It can be difficult for people to open up, but speaking to an adult they trust is often the first step towards them getting the help they need. Sometimes, you might need to tell an adult about your concerns if you’re worried that a friend isn’t safe.
Supporting other people
Find more information about supporting others, including how to ask someone if they’re OK, how to listen, and understanding boundaries and responsibility.
There’s also support if you’re a young carer, and tips for looking after yourself while supporting someone else.
Text NATTER for help
Anyone can text ‘NATTER’ to 85258 to seek
help, wherever they are in the UK. It’s a free, anonymous service and available 24/7.
More about NATTER
